Friends for a lifetime...and not just at school or work

From our party this past weekend.  My daughter Cailin and her longtime friend Courtney (and not just at school).

  As we visited around the topic of the struggles with racial identity in our small group on Thursday, there was much discussion about the influence of family on shaping one’s identity and how school experiences also played a part.  The article this week focuses around experiences of black youth as it relates to racial identity and socialization.  However, as one member of our small group shared her experiences, it became evident that some of the things experienced by “Janice” (a black youth in a white school) are also experienced in the adult working world.  While Janice made friends with some of her white classmates, she always felt their acceptance of her was limited.  She explains, “I was friends with them at school, and that’s where it stopped.”  Our group member shared almost word-for-word this same feeling when she expressed similar situations with her white co-workers, “We’re friends at work and everyone gets along great.  However, I’ve never been invited to their home, their weddings, or parties.”  Quite honestly, I was shocked and discouraged to hear of this and personally just do not understand it.  I had a party at my home this past weekend full of friends and family.  Until our discussion on Thursday, I didn’t even stop to think that some of my friends (who I also consider as close as family) that were in attendance also happened to be black.  As I have continued to contemplate on this, it has taken me back to other events even as far back as childhood birthday parties, parties my parents had at my childhood home, my weddings (first and second), my children’s special events and throughout the years there has always been a diverse group of people in attendance.  Reading these articles and participating in the very vulnerable and honest discussions we have in class continue to open my eyes to things that I thought were struggles well in the past.  I just want to share that am very thankful for the learning experience this semester in African American Families continues to give me!

My daughter and her fiance visiting with our friend Sharlamar (who used to be a co-worker of mine).

Affirmative Action

Wow!  The affirmative action article has so many things to address that I am finding it hard to choose which area to focus on. 

I do, however, find myself very interested in the comment from “Education Black Woman (LE)” and totally agree that it is unfortunate that still today nearly 60 years after Brown v. Board of Education we still have to consider race in the college admissions process.  It is something that must still take place though in order to keep the wheels of diversity moving in a forward direction.  As a nation, we simply have not arrived at that point yet.  The points she makes regarding the current diversity of the University are very good.

I agree with the author of The Daily Texan’s article when he states, “Ideally, we would like to reach a state where society does not judge its members based on the color of their skin but rather on the content of their character, as Martin Luther King Jr. said.  If he could only see how his speeches are being interpreted and where the direction of racial equality is going in our nation today, he would surely be rolling in his grave.”  However, I do not agree for the same reasons!  Yes, ideally, it would be wonderful to reach a state where a person is judged by their character and not by the color of their skin, but let’s face it, that is simply not the case today.  And, if Martin Luther King, Jr. is rolling over in his grave because of the “direction of racial equality is going in our nation today,” it would be because he cannot believe that still today there is still the need to consider race because if it is not a factor minorities would continued to be a disenfranchised group.

As our small group discussed with Dr. Gilbert in class on Thursday, educational equality and availability of resources starts at the grade school level, well before the college level.  How can minority students entering college be prepared for success if the first 13 years of their education have not provided them with the resources to succeed? This is a complex and multi-faceted issue, one that would could probably spend an entire semester digging through!

Be BOLD...Be AUTHENTIC!

This is a letter written to clergy in the African American community:

Dear Clergy:

            With much respect I ask the following question.  What is one of the oldest institutions in the African American community?  I realize that this is a rhetorical question of which I know the answer – the church.  I will follow up this question with another.  What would you say was the reason this institution was originally founded?  I would answer that it was a rebellion of second-class citizenship; a means of safety and acceptance within the African American community.  What started out as a safe harbor for the Black community, a place that acted as the first line of defense for the struggles within the community, seems to have become just the opposite for certain members – the LGBTQ members.   

            Homosexuality seems to be viewed within the African American church as a “sin.”  If homosexuality is a sin and has no place within the church, where does adultery, lying, cheating, stealing, bigotry, judging, and any of the other multitude of sins we commit as human beings belong?  If the church exonerated all sinners, there would be no one left!  In fact, recent developments in the field of science have demonstrated that homosexuality is a fundamental part of a person’s life, not an option.  We tend to want to put God in a box to fit our own religious and personal needs and interpretations.  Hasn’t the African American church done this through its “open closet” acceptance of the gay community?  As long as “they” fit into the church’s “box” and obey all the rules, then “they” can continue to participate in the aspects deemed appropriate for gay members.  This does not include a recognition or discussion of their homosexuality.  What about the Black church leaders and married lay congregants who are MSM (men who sleep with men) or SGL (same gender loving)?  In recent qualitative research conducted in affiliation with the New York Psychiatric Institute and the Columbia University School of Public Health, evidence shows that this occurs on a regular basis within the church, further stigmatizing Black gay men in particular, thus keeping them "on the down low."  This systematic approach to oppression affects the Black gay community at the individual, community and societal level, intersecting every area of their life.

            Think about this.  Jesus built his ministry around spreading the gospel to people who were scorned by society.  He was criticized by current religious leaders for his close association with “the wrong type of people.” How is it that such an “authentic” institution within the African American community can be responsible for suppressing the ability to lift up its “wrong type of people” to be their most authentic and true self?  The church has historically and is currently a powerful force in the Black community – a force to be reckoned with!  I urge you to refer to Nobles’ and Goddard’s African Centered Behavior Change Model.  See where the gay community within your congregation fits.  Spend some time thinking about where you and other members of your congregation fit.  As a shepherd responsible for his flock, do you not want each member to be their most authentic self?  Finally, think about the seven core principles of the Nguzo Saba:  unity, self-determination, collective work and responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, and perhaps most importantly, FAITH! 

REFERENCES

Fullilove, M. & Fullilove, R.  Homosexuality and the African American Church:  The Paradox of the “Open Closet”.

Gilbert, D. J. and Williams, L. (2007).  Deconstructing the down-low; a systems-ecological perspective on African American men who have sex with men.  Human Behavior in the Social Environment:  An African American Perspective, pp. 501-517

Karenga, M & Karenga, (2007).  The Nguzo Saba and the Black family:  Principles and practice of well-being and flourishing.  In H. P. McAdoo (Ed.), Black families, 4^th Edition (pp. 7-28).  Thousand Oaks, CA:  Sage.

Pitts, L (1998).  The ‘choice’ to be gay.

Squires, D. (2011, March 3). Black Church Leaders Ask for Forgiveness from the LGBT Community. Retrieved March 2012, from The Root: http://www.theroot.com/views/black-church-and-lgbt-community.